Herdeher

Right now I don't know how to explain it but... I really feel like a teenager. Mainly because as I'm sitting here all composed and stuff, inside I'm laughing manically and jumping off the walls. It's an antsy feeling, I kinda literally feel like my heart is jumping up and down in (insert emotion). Darn feelings so hard to explain and I don't know why I feel this way either. Honestly today was not a good start, my old man was not so happy with me, chose a job that wouldn't allow us to see each other except on weekends-and....anyways long story, but I know I was in the wrong, but still selfish and choosing to go along with my decision. Last night every moment of consciousness (when I managed to float on top of my dreams) was moments filled with just wishing that someone would get promoted or find a better job and quit-so that there would be an opening that I would obviously receive... but some part of me is like... well I've never really like it when ppl I love are upset at me, so this is testing our relationship-(which is good right?) and if it's strong enough to survive good. If it's not, well I can survive that too (at least I get to keep my family).

More and more I'm starting to wonder what a healthy relationship is... I mean, in the past I've made someone my whole world before and gosh it hurt like heck (which wasn't reciprocated, nothing like playing the friend card after 2 long years of intimacy).. and believe me I know what abuse is, and I know to get out... but I'm starting to wonder if it's okay to make someone your whole world when they make you their whole world. I don't mean changing yourself to fit the person that is ideal for them, we both are really comfortable being ourselves around each other so much so that it might freak a lot of people out.... but, is it healthy if it works for both of you-you respect each other, love each other, take each others feelings into consideration (tho with the job thing I didn't do so well with that) but... basically you're not intentionally harming each other physically, emotionally, or spiritually it should be okay right? Because this whole ideal of a perfect relationship is based on psychology and rules... and sometimes relationships work out even when they seem they wont. Like my parents, but then again some relationships don't work even when they should. GRR WHY YOU SO CONFUSING LIFE?!! So relationship success isn't a formula but I'm pretty sure it has to do with strengths and weaknesses and balancing each other out. Although K says my strength is emotion. What kind of strength is that? And for that, what kind of super power is that... I use emotion!! and turn you into a sniveling crybaby! Yay for meh.

Sidenote: sometimes relationships work out but neither person is happy in it, it's like after a while you just get stuck... and that's just sad. So one's options are.... well was thinking about listing it but honestly there's a lot more dynamics to relationships that I give up. People stay for personal reasons and one can never really grasp them all...But I do know what I want, a relationship that lasts and is filled with laughter until someone dies, and the other person dies from food poisoning at the funeral. E-coli anyone?

#1

Been reading through my older blogs and it's quite interesting to see the thought process of past me. There's a lot of insecurity, yet rationality, and a dash of poetic in young moi. But basically, I'm creating a new blog because I outgrew my old ones-if that makes any sense.

But first!!! Books I intend to read:
Jim Butchers' Ghost Story (am on 10th book of series now)
Patrick Rothfuss' Wise Man's Fear (and his third book of the trilogy KingKiller) -my sister likened this book to literary cake, if she could devour it, she would by now. But weirdly enough-well I think it's cool, but the author lives in Stevens Point WI which is not too far away from me. XD
Anything Laini Taylor-especially her new one that's out: Daughter of Smoke and Bone
Jim C. Hines looks real good too..

But here's a little secret-one day I want to write books just as amazing as these people do. I guess that's why I'm back on here. More later......dun dun duhhhh!